Reclaiming You, Part 1: You Are Not Just the Helper: Reclaiming Your Needs — A Blog Series for Women Reclaiming Themselves

Recently, I read the book Untamed by Glennon Doyle and was deeply moved and inspired by it. But more than anything, it gave me permission to listen to my own voice—the one buried under the noise, the guilt, the mental load. This blog series is my way of peeling back those layers. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being real—and coming back to life in the process.

There’s a quiet unraveling that happens to so many women. We become who we were told to be—helpful, capable, responsible, selfless—and somewhere along the way, we start to forget who we actually are.

This blog series, Reclaiming You, is for the woman who is tired of feeling like she has to hold it all together while feeling like she’s falling apart inside. It’s for the ones carrying invisible loads, silencing their needs, and feeling guilty when they dare to want more.

Reclaim time for yourself

Each week, we’ll explore a part of this untaming, this unlearning—so you can come back home to yourself.

Here’s what’s coming:

• Part 1: You Are Not Just the Helper: Reclaiming Your Needs

• Part 2: The Power of Asking for Help (and Receiving It)

• Part 3: The Truth About Mom Guilt

• Part 4: The Mental Load – Why You’re So Tired (Even When You “Did Nothing”)

• Part 5: Boundaries that Stick (Even When It’s Hard)

• Part 6: Ditching Comparison and Rewriting Your Story

• Part 7: Listening to Your Inner Voice

• Part 8: Finding Joy in a Life That’s Still Messy

“When a woman finally learns that pleasing the world is impossible, 

she becomes free to learn how to please herself.”

― Glennon Doyle, Untamed

You Are Not Just the Helper: Reclaiming Your Needs

Let’s start with the truth we’ve been taught to ignore: You are not just here to support everyone else.

You are not just the helper, the carpool driver, the snack packer, the emotional sponge, the behind-the-scenes glue holding the whole thing together. You are a human being with needs—not just a role with responsibilities. But claiming your needs in a world that rewards selflessness (especially in women) is not easy. In fact, it can feel downright rebellious.

Maybe you’ve told yourself:

• “It’s not a big deal.”

• “They need me more than I need rest.”

• “I can’t ask for help. It’s just easier to do it myself.”

• “I don’t have the time or the energy to take care of myself.”

Sound familiar? You’re not alone.

We’ve been conditioned to believe that our worth is tied to how much we give. That our value is measured by how little we ask for in return.

But here’s the truth: Your needs matter. Even when they’re inconvenient. Even when no one else sees them. Even when you’ve spent years pretending they didn’t exist.

This part of the series is an invitation to begin the slow, powerful process of unlearning. To notice where you’ve been silencing your needs. To question the invisible rules you’ve been living by. And to consider what it would feel like to matter—to yourself.

So how do we start unlearning this?

Sometimes the path forward starts with small steps; other times, it’s a giant leap of faith. 

Maybe you want to start with small shifts that send your nervous system, your brain, and your inner critic a new message. Start small. One question. One pause. One honest answer:

• What do I need right now?

• If no one were watching or depending on me, what would I choose today?

• What parts of myself have I been pushing aside?

• I matter too. How can I show up for myself?

Or maybe the quiet ache you’ve been feeling is pointing to something bigger. Maybe it’s time to explore a move, end a relationship, change careers, or have that courageous conversation you’ve been avoiding. Don’t rush it. Give yourself space to think it through, visualize possibilities, and create a plan. Life will have its ups and downs either way, but you’re allowed to choose what’s best for you—even if it’s messy, even if you need to self-correct along the way. Don’t let fear stop you. Excitement and fear often feel the same in your body. And don’t let what others might think hold you back—this is your life. You’re allowed to try, to fail, to learn, and to grow. More often than not, what we regret are the things we didn’t do.

Strategies for Reclaiming Your Needs

1. Practice “micro-check-ins.”

Set a reminder on your phone 1–2 times a day with the question: What do I need right now? It might be water, movement, silence, connection, or a few deep breaths. The goal isn’t to fix or fulfill the need every time—it’s just to start noticing it.

2. Reframe guilt as growth.

Guilt is often a sign you’re doing something new, not something wrong. Instead of letting it stop you, try saying "This guilt means I’m stretching old beliefs. I’m learning to show up for myself."

3. Say one true thing out loud.

Pick a safe person to talk to, write in your journal or even speak out loud to yourself in the mirror and name a truth you usually hide. Something like: 

• “I’m tired of always being the one who keeps it together.”

• “I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore outside of being a mom/teacher/partner.”

• “I crave quiet, but I’m scared of what I’ll hear in the silence.”

 There’s power in naming what’s real. That’s how change begins.

4. Give yourself permission slips. 

Literally write this down: “I give myself permission to rest.” “I give myself permission to say no.” “I give myself permission to not have it all together today.” Keep them where you’ll see them. Stick post-it notes around your house. Read them like affirmations. They help rewire the old scripts.

5. Start with low-stakes “no’s.”

If a bold boundary feels too big, try saying no to something small: skipping a call, delaying a text response, not volunteering for one more thing. Every time you honor your capacity, you make space for your needs.

6. Carve out one hour (or more) this week—just for you.

This doesn’t have to be fancy or dramatic. Just one hour where you intentionally shift out of obligation and into nourishment. Start by skipping or outsourcing one thing on your to-do list:

• Ask your partner to make dinner one night.

• Have groceries delivered instead of shopping in person.

• Let the dusting wait (really, it can).

• Ask your older kids to help with lunches, laundry, or vacuuming.

Or, if it’s easier, try waking up one hour earlier one day this week—and use that time for you, not to catch up on chores. Do something that fills you:

• Go for a walk.

• Sit in a coffee shop with a book.

• Take a bath with a glass of wine and no agenda.

• Call or meet up with a friend.

• Engage in a hobby you enjoy…or take up one that interests you.

Then ask yourself: How can I make this a weekly habit?  Not because you earned it—but because you deserve it.

7. Envision the bigger change.

Sometimes, your next right step is more than just a shift in mindset—it’s a shift in your life. Set aside time to explore what change might be calling to you. Journal about it. Visualize your ideal day. Imagine different paths and how each one might feel. You don’t need to have it all figured out. Just allow yourself to consider: What if? Trust that even bold changes can begin with quiet courage.

Reclaiming your needs doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you whole. And when you live from that wholeness, everyone around you benefits too.

Come back next week as we explore the power of asking for help—and how receiving support can be one of the most courageous things you do.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reflection Corner

Find a quiet moment today and throughout the week to explore one (or all) of the following questions. You can write your thoughts in a journal, discuss them with a close friend or reflect on them during meditation:

1. Name a need you’ve been ignoring. What’s one small way you could honor it this week?

2. What is one change—big or small—that’s been quietly tugging at your heart? What would it look like to explore it without pressure or fear, just gentle curiosity?

   
   

3. Finish this sentence: “If I didn’t feel guilty, I would…”

   
   

4. Think back to a time when you felt fully yourself. What was present then that’s missing now?

   
   

5. What’s one small thing I could take off my plate this week—and how can I ask for help with it?

   
   

6. What would a “me hour” look like if it were completely guilt-free? What would I do, and how would I feel afterward?

This isn’t about fixing everything overnight. It’s about remembering that you are part of the equation—and you’re allowed to take up space.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Want more support as you reclaim space for yourself?

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Join my free Facebook group, Busy Women Finding Balance, where we talk about real-life boundaries, burnout, messy joy, and what it means to live a life that actually feels good. As a bonus for joining, you’ll get free access to my 18-page goal-setting workbook, Beyond the To-Do List! It’s designed to help you reflect, prioritize, and take action—one step at a time. You can find the workbook in the Files section.

You can also explore other parts of my website and find free resources (including a list of the reflection questions from all 8 weeks) and more. And if you're ready for more personalized support, I offer 1:1 coaching for women who are ready to stop people-pleasing and start listening to themselves again. Click here to email me for a free discovery call or to request Reclaiming You: An 8 Week Checklist for a list of actions to help you reflect, reconnect with yourself, and reclaim your joy as you follow along with this 8 part blog series.

You're not just the helper. You’re allowed to take up space. Let’s start making that real—together.