Reclaiming You, Part 3: The Truth About Mom Guilt - A Blog Series for Women Reclaiming Themselves

This blog series, Reclaiming You, is for the woman who is tired of feeling like she has to hold it all together while feeling like she’s falling apart inside. It’s for the ones carrying invisible loads, silencing their needs, and feeling guilty when they dare to want more.

“Mothers have martyred themselves in their children’s names since the beginning of time. We have lived as if she who disappears the most, loves the most... If we keep passing down the legacy of martyrdom to our daughters, with whom does it end?” 

—Glennon Doyle, Untamed

Just breathe

Last week, we explored the power of asking for help—and how doing so can be both liberating and deeply connective. But for many of us, the moment we ask for help (or even think about taking something off our plate), a familiar feeling creeps in. 

This week, we’re diving into one of the heaviest weights many women carry: mom guilt—and how we can begin to unlearn it.

You know the voice. “I should be able to handle this.” “I’m not doing enough.” “They’ll remember I wasn’t there.” “Other moms seem to manage just fine…”

We’ve been conditioned to see motherhood as a performance of self-sacrifice. Somewhere along the way, we were sold the idea that good mothers always put themselves last. That being stretched thin and worn down is a sign of devotion. That guilt is just part of the job.

But here's the truth: mom guilt serves no meaningful purpose. It doesn’t make us better moms. It doesn’t deepen our love. What it does do is activate our nervous systems, keeping us stuck in cycles of stress, anxiety, and even burnout. Chronic guilt can trigger a fight-or-flight response that makes it harder to stay present, regulate emotions, or enjoy the very moments we’re trying so hard to perfect.

So let’s talk about how we begin to unlearn it.

6 Strategies for Unlearning Mom Guilt

1. Get curious about the guilt

When guilt shows up, pause and ask: Where is this coming from? Whose expectations am I trying to meet? Is this truly my value—or someone else’s voice in my head? Guilt often masks fear: fear of judgment, failure, or not being “enough.” Naming it starts to loosen its grip.

2. Replace guilt with compassion

When you notice that guilty thought creeping in, try a reframe:

• Instead of: “I shouldn’t have snapped at them—I’m a terrible mom,” try: “I had a hard moment. I’m human, and I’ll repair it with love.”

• Instead of: “I missed the field trip—I should’ve done more,” try: “I can’t do it all, but I show up for my kids in many important ways.”

Talk to yourself like someone you deeply love.

3. Remember: modeling joy is a gift

When you care for yourself, say no, pursue a dream, or rest—you’re not taking something from your kids. You’re showing them what a healthy adult looks like. They don’t need a mom who never rests. They need a mom who’s alive, whole, and emotionally safe. That starts with you giving yourself permission to be a person.

4. Letting go without letting down

It’s important to recognize how much the expectations on moms have grown over the years. We’re not just raising children—we’re expected to do it all with a smile, a clean house, Pinterest-worthy birthday parties, organic meals, and a thriving career. Social media amplifies the pressure, while internal narratives whisper that we’re never quite enough.

But here’s the truth: children don’t need perfection—they need presence and connection. They don’t need constant stimulation or a never-ending stream of activities. Some boredom, some struggle, even a bit of disappointment? That’s not just okay—it’s healthy. It builds resilience, independence, and problem-solving skills. What they do need is the security of knowing we’re there when it counts: to listen, to comfort, and to remind them they are loved, especially in hard moments.

Releasing yourself from the pressure to meet every need instantly or perfectly is not a failure—it’s a gift. A gift to yourself and your kids.

5. Connect instead of compare

Social media can make guilt worse by giving us a highlight reel of everyone else’s parenting. If you find yourself spiraling, step back. Choose connection over comparison—talk to a friend, join a supportive community, or reach out to someone who’s willing to be real with you.

6. Give yourself the grace to be good enough.

You don’t need to be perfect. Your kids don’t need perfection. They need presence. Safety. A mom who makes mistakes and keeps showing up. Let “good enough” be your new gold standard. Let joy count. Let rest count. Let love—not guilt—be what guides your parenting.

Reflection Corner

Take some time this week to explore one or more of these questions. You can write your thoughts in a journal, discuss them with a close friend or reflect on them during meditation:

• When does mom guilt show up most often for you? What triggers it?

• Whose approval do you find yourself chasing, even unconsciously?

• What would it look like to parent from a place of love instead of guilt?

• How do you want your children to remember their childhood—and your presence in it?

Next week, we’ll take a deeper look at the Mental Load—why you’re so tired (even when you “did nothing”).

If this topic resonated with you and you’re craving more support, encouragement, and connection with women who get it, you’re invited to:

• Join my Facebook group: Busy Women Finding Balance - A supportive space for women reclaiming time, energy, and joy

• Explore this website for more free resources including the 8 Week Challenge Checklist and all the reflection questions to go along with this blog series

• Click here to email me to ask about my coaching services or request my free workbook: Beyond the To-Do List, a goal-setting guide to help you move forward with clarity and intention

You are not alone. And you’re already doing better than you think.