Reclaiming You, Part 6: Ditching Comparison and Rewriting Your Story

Somewhere along the way, we were taught to be helpful. To hold everything together. To smile while we do it. And if we ever dared to want more—more rest, more space, more truth, more time for ourselves—we were told we were selfish, dramatic, or ungrateful.

This blog series was born from that quiet ache so many women carry—the feeling that something's off, even if they can’t name it. It’s for the women who check every box, show up for everyone, and still go to bed wondering, “Is this all there is?”

Last week, we talked about boundaries—how they protect your energy, preserve your peace, and honor your worth. But even with boundaries in place, it’s hard to feel grounded when you're constantly measuring yourself against someone else’s highlight reel.

We live in a world that subtly (and not-so-subtly) teaches women to compare—our bodies, our homes, our parenting, our productivity. It’s exhausting. And worse, it pulls us further from ourselves.

This week, we’re peeling back another layer in this journey of coming home to who you are. Because comparison is more than a thief of joy—it’s a distortion of truth. It keeps us striving to meet standards we never chose, while silencing the voice that already knows we’re enough.

In the book, Untamed by Glennon Doyle, she writes:

“It’s okay to feel all of the stuff you’re feeling. You’re just becoming human again. You’re not doing life wrong; you’re doing it right. If there’s any secret you’re missing, it’s that doing it right is just really hard. Feeling all your feelings is hard, but that’s what they’re for. Feelings are for feeling. All of them. Even the hard ones. The secret is that you’re doing it right, and that doing it right hurts sometimes.”

“I thought I was supposed to feel happy. I thought that happy was for feeling and that pain was for fixing and numbing and deflecting and hiding and ignoring. I thought that when life got hard, it was because I had gone wrong somewhere. I thought that pain was weakness and that I was supposed to suck it up.”

“Pain is not tragic. Pain is magic. Suffering is tragic. Suffering is what happens when we avoid pain and consequently miss our becoming. That is what I can and must avoid: missing my own evolution because I am too afraid to surrender to the process. Having such little faith in myself that I numb or hide or consume my way out of my fiery feelings again and again. So my goal is to stop abandoning myself—and stay. To trust that I’m strong enough to handle the pain that is necessary to the process of becoming. Because what scares me a hell of a lot more than pain is living my entire life and missing my becoming. What scares me more than feeling it all is missing it all.”

This quote reminds me that comparison doesn’t just steal our joy—it robs us of our becoming. When we believe we’re only “doing it right” if we’re constantly happy, successful, or polished, we end up abandoning ourselves the moment life gets messy. But feeling it all—the good, the painful, the vulnerable—is what makes us real. And real is where growth lives.

This week, we’ll explore how to notice when comparison shows up, how to challenge the stories it tells, and how to write new ones rooted in truth and self-compassion.

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It’s time to stop chasing someone else’s story—and start rewriting your own.

Strategies for Ditching Comparison

Comparison can sneak in quietly, but it has a powerful grip. Whether we’re scrolling social media, catching up with a friend, or overhearing another mom at pickup, it’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring our lives against someone else’s. But comparison doesn’t just mean wishing we had someone else’s highlight reel. It also means minimizing our pain because someone else seems to be struggling more. There will always be people who have it easier, and people who have it harder—but their story isn’t yours.  Here are five steps to ditch comparison and start shifting the focus from others back to yourself. 

1. Notice and Name It

One of the most powerful tools we have when it comes to comparison is simply awareness. When those comparison thoughts creep in—“She’s so much more organized,” “Why can’t I keep it together like they do?”—pause and notice them without judgment. Instead of trying to push the thoughts away or pretending they’re not there, name them. “Ah, I’m comparing again.” “This is a moment of self-doubt.” “I’m feeling like I’m not enough.”

By naming the thought or emotion, you create space between you and the feeling. It becomes something you’re experiencing, not something that defines you. This small pause allows you to respond with compassion instead of criticism. You might say to yourself, “Of course I’m feeling this way—this is hard,” or “This thought isn’t the whole truth.”

You can take it a step further by identifying what’s underneath the comparison. Are you feeling insecure, tired, unappreciated, or overwhelmed? What do you need in this moment—reassurance, rest, connection, or a break from input? Naming both the thought and the emotion behind it helps you move through it instead of getting stuck in it.

2. Shift the Lens

It’s important to remember that what we see or hear from others—whether online or in real life—is just a snapshot, not the whole picture. We rarely see the struggles, doubts, or messy moments behind the scenes, but for sure they are there. Social media, in particular, tends to highlight the best parts of people’s lives, not the full story. When we compare ourselves to those carefully curated moments, we’re not making a fair comparison—we’re holding ourselves up against a filtered version of reality.

Instead of looking at what others have that you don’t, focus on how far you’ve come. Keep a reclaiming or gratitude journal with a list of ways you are growing and/or things you are grateful for—small or big, they count. Example: “I used to dread speaking up at meetings. Last week, I shared an idea confidently.”

3. Reconnect to Your Own Values

What matters to you? Not to your neighbor, your sister, or the internet. You. Example: If being present with your kids is one of your values, remind yourself that it matters more than a perfectly clean kitchen.

When you’re clear on what really matters to you, it becomes easier to step away from comparison. Your values can guide your choices, your priorities, and your sense of identity—even when the world tries to pull you in a different direction. But even more importantly, you are worthy not because of what you do or how well you do it, but simply because you are human. You matter just as you are. You don’t have to earn your worth through productivity, perfection, or people-pleasing. Try gently reminding yourself: “I am enough. I am worthy of love and rest. I don’t have to prove my value—I already have it.”

4. Practice Emotional Awareness Without Overidentifying

We weren’t meant to skip over the hard parts. We were meant to feel them, learn from them, and carry those lessons with us as we grow. But when we compare, we often try to rush past the pain, thinking that something is wrong with us. That we’re falling behind. That we’re not enough. The truth is—you’re not behind, you’re becoming.

Feel your feelings—but don’t let them define you. Notice the physical sensations (tight jaw, clenched stomach), name the emotion, and remind yourself: This is just a moment, not a life sentence. Example: “I’m feeling jealous and unmotivated right now. That’s okay. I can sit with this, learn from this, and then I’ll take one small step forward.”

5. Create Safe Distance from Triggers

Curate your space. If certain social media accounts make you feel inadequate, unfollow or mute. Set boundaries around conversations that drain you. Example: “I realized I always felt worse after chatting with that mom at soccer. Now I smile and politely move on instead of getting pulled into the comparison spiral.”

Start noticing what triggers your comparison thoughts. Is it certain people, conversations, or time spent on social media? Are you more vulnerable when you’re tired, overwhelmed, or feeling uncertain? From there, you can set boundaries that protect your peace—like carving out certain times in your day or week to intentionally put your phone away and focus on you. Use that time to reconnect with yourself through meditation, journaling, reading, taking a bath, going for a walk, or engaging in a hobby that brings you joy. Small, consistent acts of self-connection can help ground you and remind you of your worth—no comparison needed.

Reflection Corner

Take some time this week to explore one or more of these questions. You can write your thoughts in a journal, discuss them with a close friend or reflect on them during meditation:

• When do I most often find myself comparing?

• How does comparison make me feel in my body?

• What is one small thing I can do to reconnect with my own values?

• Whose story have I been using as a yardstick for my own?

• What is my definition of enough?

• What feelings have I been avoiding, and what might they be trying to teach me?

Come back next week for: Listening to Your Inner Voice

Once we quiet the noise of comparison, we start to hear something else—something softer, truer, and often buried: our inner voice. That quiet inner knowing, the one you’ve been drowning out under all the noise and responsibility, begins to speak.

Next week, we’ll talk about how to tune into it and trust it, even when it whispers against what the world expects.

Ready to keep becoming?

You don’t have to figure it all out alone. Join my free Facebook group, Busy Women Finding Balance, where we talk about real-life boundaries, burnout, messy joy, and what it means to live a life that actually feels good. As a bonus for joining, you’ll get free access to my 18-page goal-setting workbook, Beyond the To-Do List! It’s designed to help you reflect, prioritize, and take action—one step at a time. You can find the workbook in the Files section.

You can also find free resources and more by exploring this website. And if you're ready for more personalized support, I offer 1:1 coaching for women who are ready to stop comparing, people-pleasing, and minimizing their own needs and start listening to themselves again. You can learn more on my website or reach out for a free discovery call right here.

Remember, you’re not behind. You’re becoming.